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I never really imagined to be reaching out about a "guy" because I've always grown up pushing guys who wanted friendship from away because I'm "too good" for that kind of stuff, and also that I always wanted boundaries for religion reasons that discourages guys and girls being together, platonically or not.
Anyways that kinda changed when I met this guy summer 2019 -- and instantly just ... clicked and I just fell in love (platonically).
I want to go back because I miss him
but also like, I just wanted to be away from home and ya know get occupied? I made some memories there.
But also I don't know if I am setting myself up for trap. I don't think it's out of loneliness or the need for someone to "be there" ... because there are already people there. But I really like him, for him. Like he's always on my mind 24/7. I always wonder what he's doing, or how's he's doing and I'm finding myself crying for no reason because I feel so rejected, and I never was that person to accept a guy in her life for any purpose.
Last time we spoke -- I out of nowhere said I missed our convos and if we can keep in touch again. He lives like 3 hours away by the way, it's hard in itself it was long distance. And because I announced that I was never attending this camp ever again (where we met), I think that's why I want to return to camp? To be in touch again. Anyways, so I also expressed to him how hurt I was that he ghosted me earlier that year because he had a girlfriend, which I didn't mind at all because we were just friends... but in turns out that he likes to focus only on one girl whether or not it's friends or girlfriend. And he told me he needs time alone. Which I respected.
But like... I feel like I still didn't get closure? Even though logically speaking, he did kind of answer me. It's different when it's not face to face I guess.
I feel like I still want to go back to camp just to see his reaction. Idk,,, but what's stopping me is that some girls really hated me (his sister who cyberbullied me), and I planned to report her, but never got in touch with the director as I promised him so applying wouldn't make me look good.
But like if I keep thinking about this guy for legit 2 years 24/7 --- like I kinda want to see him, so like my brain would be like -- uh yeah no hes not worlth it. Idk....
Its complexed.
Anyways that kinda changed when I met this guy summer 2019 -- and instantly just ... clicked and I just fell in love (platonically).
I want to go back because I miss him
but also like, I just wanted to be away from home and ya know get occupied? I made some memories there. But also I don't know if I am setting myself up for trap. I don't think it's out of loneliness or the need for someone to "be there" ... because there are already people there. But I really like him, for him. Like he's always on my mind 24/7. I always wonder what he's doing, or how's he's doing and I'm finding myself crying for no reason because I feel so rejected, and I never was that person to accept a guy in her life for any purpose.
Last time we spoke -- I out of nowhere said I missed our convos and if we can keep in touch again. He lives like 3 hours away by the way, it's hard in itself it was long distance. And because I announced that I was never attending this camp ever again (where we met), I think that's why I want to return to camp? To be in touch again. Anyways, so I also expressed to him how hurt I was that he ghosted me earlier that year because he had a girlfriend, which I didn't mind at all because we were just friends... but in turns out that he likes to focus only on one girl whether or not it's friends or girlfriend. And he told me he needs time alone. Which I respected.
But like... I feel like I still didn't get closure? Even though logically speaking, he did kind of answer me. It's different when it's not face to face I guess.
I feel like I still want to go back to camp just to see his reaction. Idk,,, but what's stopping me is that some girls really hated me (his sister who cyberbullied me), and I planned to report her, but never got in touch with the director as I promised him so applying wouldn't make me look good.
But like if I keep thinking about this guy for legit 2 years 24/7 --- like I kinda want to see him, so like my brain would be like -- uh yeah no hes not worlth it. Idk....
Its complexed.
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