I just dont deserve this

[Guest]

I am pretty, successful, I have friends, and I have my career and life together....
But when I try to date, all I get is bad luck and rejection and I feel like I don't deserve it.
I had a boyfriend for almost a year, who I broke up with...and Its my two year anniversary of shortcomings, failures, and dating rejection.
Last year, I went as far as to put myself out there on dating sites and in person, to guys that I liked and was interested in, only to have had nothing but failure and I really wish I knew what I was doing wrong.
Guy 1- He flirted with me for an entire semester during school, Then he asked me to hang out once after I had just broken up with my boyfriend. A day later, he was too busy and didnt have time or want to see me. He continued to ignore my texts.
Guy 2- We talked a bit over messager, then we were going to hang out, but then he changed his mind I guess, and kept saying he was busy and stopped answering my texts.
Guy 3- We hung out once, it seemed to have gone really well as he had acted like he liked me, and went as far as to going down on me, then he never texted me again or the next day and said that he was "too busy to hang out once I asked him again.
Guy 4- We met through a friend and he told me I was "cool to hang out with" . when we talked in person. We talked more over text and then he had planned to meet me, where he kind of half stood me up, and gave some lame excuse about how he ended up needing to work, and then never got back to me about hanging out a second time.
Guy 5- We met online and we hung out once, after the hang out, he said "we should hang out again". Then I texted him a few times and he didnt answer. I asked him what I did wrong and eventually he said that "we should hang out again for sure, he is just really busy with school, but on break we should hang out"
Guy 6- We met twice and it went well on both hang outs, but he was busy with his fraternity recruiting, then he asked me to hang out on a saturday, and I forgot I had something to do, at which point I mentioned I was free at a different time, but then he was busy. We gradually stopped talking, and I asked him what went wrong and he said "Its my fault for the lack of communication, if you want to hang out we can its up to you"


So how do I break the cycle, and why am I constantly being rejected, when I feel like I am not worthy of all of this rejection as I feel I have value....Its been two years of on going rejectiion and no success with dating...WHAT AM I DOING WRONG....and why do these guys run away from me like this????

[2NDFLOOR]

It sounds like you've been feeling frustrated, hurt, and confused by what you perceive to be a lack of success in dating. However, your perceptions may be the biggest culprit in your disappointment. You mentioned that you've previously had a boyfriend for almost a year, which shows you are capable of successfully dating and maintaining a committed relationship. It might be helpful to reconsider what you define as successful dating. If it's immediately beginning a committed relationship soon after you meet someone, you may be setting unrealistic expectations for yourself (which only leads to you feeling bad). It sounds like you're doing an awesome job of putting yourself out there with guys you're interested in, which takes bravery in and of itself! That's no easy feat! Just because you aren't in a committed relationship yet doesn't mean you've "failed" and aren't making progress.

It also seems like you may be discounting a true lack of availability on the part of the guys you're reaching out to. For example, you describe yourself as a successful, hardworking person and I imagine you are seeking out a partner who is also successful and hardworking. Since you are in college it may be that the guys you're reaching out to are trying to juggle coursework, clubs/activities, and other obligations in order to best further their education/careers. Dating might not be something they place high on their list of priorities at the moment, which has nothing to do with you. You're already putting forth the best effort possible to find a connection. What you deserve is to give yourself some credit and compassion! If you'd like to receive more support, we're available 24/7 via call and text at 888-222-2228. Thank you for reaching out to 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline!