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  • suicide

    I am 15 years old. I live in a group home away from my parents. The other day my mom and dad where both coming over for a meeting and I wanted to get a shower. Im on 1-1(staff must be able to see me at all times) so They told me I couldn't shower unless one of the staff was outside the door. I said no thats not happening at first but then I thought about it and realized i NEEDED a shower so i got in. As i got in they told me that I could only be in there for 10 minutes and when the timer went off i had to get out. I got my shower and went downstairs to where my parents where waiting in the office so we could start the meeting. 5 minutes into the meeting my dad said " your on 1-1 and that is your fault, all you have to do is give up the blade you have and you can do things you want to do." i was expecting my mom to back me up but she didn't she just sat there. I excused myself from the meeting and went out into the living room to calm down. After i calmed down i was not planning on going back to the meeting but one of the staff talked me into it. I went back to the meeting and we finished. As my mom left she said something to me, she said " Im going to give you a piece of advice just turn in the blade and you will be ok its simple." I said ok so that there was no problem before she left Everyday staff ask to be left alone when they first walk in the door so that they can get settled in. I follow it and i leave them alone but when i get home they pester me and dont leave me alone even though i tell them that i need a few minutes to settle down as well. I am always getting yelled at an i dont know what to do. Im done with it and i am thinking about ending my life so that i can be free and everyone else can be happy with out me.

  • #2
    I'm sorry to hear that you are going through so much right now and feel like everyone would be better off without you. I agree that you are in a difficult situation, but hurting yourself in any way, including suicide is never an option. I'm not exactly why you are allowed to have a blade in the group home in the first place, so I cannot say that I disagree with your parents in that way. If you're having thoughts of hurting yourself, a blade probably isn't the best thing for you to have in your possession. As far as the staff goes, it's nice that you follow their requests and give them time to settle in when you get home, I'm not sure exactly what you mean by they pester you. Group homes do have rules and employees do need to make sure everyone is following them, which I guess can seem like pestering to the person being told what to do. Maybe you can have a conversation with the staff and let them know what they do that you consider "pestering" and maybe they can explain what they are doing or recognize the behavior and stop doing it. In any case, suicide is not an answer and I'm sure the people that you think would be happy without you would actually be quite miserable without you. If these thoughts continue, let a counselor at your group home know and/or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK.


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